Waiting for the End

What bliss it must be
The final wait
For the curtains to fall

The peace of closing the eyes
And finally losing grip
Letting go of it all

Take me with you
My old beloved foe
You, the black wind of nihility

Let’s rise above
All carnal imagination
And soar to the arms of eternity


I believed you were my destiny
The sole reason of existance for me
My grandest dream used to be
imaginining us having a family

Days and months disappear
But this mad love does not.
I hold this pain close and dear
Because its the only memento of you I’ve got.

I pray to whichever mighty power that will have me
To lead your way eventyally back to me
If not, I will be the luckiest girl
If this pain, once & for all, kills me.

Happy Birthday, stranger.

You were the om
In my lonely home
Now I talk about your empty place
In chance meetings with strangers
“You are both young and stubborn”
The old man told me.
“You both made mistakes.”
“It’s easy to see.”
I told him how you used to cook.
So patient and masterful.
How hardworking you were.
And how I still love you.
And of course I had to tell him
About your preferences
your fear of commitment
And skewed priorities
“You were so understanding
He should have consulted you
He should have prioritized you
He made a mistake of losing you…”
“But if you love him still,
Don’t hesitate and fester
Find your power of will
Go be by his side.”
I am terrified.
Of asking you again.
I cannot bare from you
Another rejection.
Thank you nameless stranger
for gifting me with objectivity.
Happy birthday fellow Capricorn
I appreciate your gentility

Cracked time

feelings please go away
take with you my yearnings
dont remind me at every note
tugging at my heart strings

dont remind me every sun
at every forgotten trinket
dont remind me that my “one”
impatiently wants me gone

forget me beloved memories
lingering at every city street
sparkling at every live corner
reflections of his demeanor

don’t tell me he’s had enough
one too many grips of control
numerous unhealing wounds
too many scars on his soul

in no way, shape or form
I never meant to make him ache
yet he caught onto my thorns
and saw his reach a mistake

heavens, please hear me now
like you did in our time of bloom
replace this wretched finale
end my unrelenting gloom

i cant find words anymore
to describe the pain within
the searing void of his absence
the envy of what could’ve been

even my time’s been cracked
the clock maker’s given up
it goes round my head & backwards
with no moving forward in sight

59, what an ugly number
heavens please, i surrender
beseech you to give me one chance
one more day to love’im tender

february 19 2017

Momentary Sobriety

Sobriety hurts
When you never arrive
My tears are drunk
With unrequited love

The blood in these veins
Hurts to stay inside
It is tormenting
to stay in my heart

I need to be freed
I wanna flow freely
Into the fresh air
The unbound infinity

And if I ever drip down
Six feet under your feet
Taken by the elements
I will finally be freed

Another Farewell

A tall dark urbane man
You’re a beautiful soul full of mystery
I wanted to be part of your wonderful world
Wish I was the muse; the catalyst of the alchemy

I touch and embrace you always with love
Yet you have no faith in my river of affection
You just want the revelry and physicality
Though I need your care and undivided attention

In hopes of receiving a morsel of your care
As I hear from you, I am at your door by demand
I am thirsty for a drop of your affection
From your deep black gaze and your artful hands

Although I relish and cherish our nights
This time the writing is on the wall
As I left last with my heart in pieces
This fling shall not go on at all

I desire the best of the world for you
Wish you find what you deserve as well
As this is where our paths must diverge
At last, my darling farewell…


By the pain of his parting
I slowly retreated underneath
Inside myself in the darkness
Alone, struggling with grief

Mourning this immense loss
For months, life stood still
I lost all my spirit & drive
Lost the precious power of will

But from depths of the dirt
this seed will sprout again
It will extend its shoot above
To once again feel the sun

With all my power and might
Relentlessly I’ll fight through it all
Relying solely on my own grit
I will regrow ever strong and tall

Although I have bruises and cuts
And this bitter journey’s been long
I’ll take the lone road with stern strides
For I’m a surviror standing strong